Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
