There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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