If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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