All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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