You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
