His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
