Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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