True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
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