the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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