I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
