If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
