Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
