fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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