There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize