Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Vodka?
Forever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
