ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
