she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
