It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
