I wanna passion pit in your ass
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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