what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
