batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
