dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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