Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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