you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize