I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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