i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
