Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
