he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
