I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
