he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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