I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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