We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize