Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
