She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
