I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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