its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
