He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
