I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
