return my video game
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
