If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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