why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
