You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
