I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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