All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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