I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
