so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
