how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
