is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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