i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he was CRYING into my vagina
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
