My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
