Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We left the knife in your bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
