She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
