So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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