i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We had to coat check the pizza.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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