i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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