pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Two words: blizzard sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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