Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it because I queefed?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
