When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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