I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't turn off my feet"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
