How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
