He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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