I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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