There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
